人人都有梦想。为什么我没有？ 想回去真的觉得很奇怪。 整个世界都在鼓励你要有梦想，有梦想才有未来。要给生命来个计划计划，想像自己每隔五年都会处在人生的什么阶段。 有的人早熟，有的人迟点儿才开花。重点是，要！有！梦！想！ 而我，整天就是为这话题而感到无比烦恼。 实话实说，我人生的计划就停留了在读大学的期间。 从小一直被灌输，读书读好来，考试考好来，成绩好才可以上大学读自己想读的科系。所以，我敢说我自小都很努力读书，就是为了可以考入心目中的大学，拿到喜欢的系列，这样毕业以后才能够顺利找到喜欢的工作。喜欢自己的工作就等于不在工作，而是在享受。 所以，我小时候的梦想就是要考上大学。 2018年5月，虽然还没正式毕业，但我已经完成了实习期间，开始了无从事业的正式“失业者”。 虽然读者大学的时候一直对自己说该开始计划人生的下个十年了，可是我读着大众媒体科系，问了几百个人的意见，个个都说读大众媒体的人可放心了，毕业以后个个事业都行得通！不用怕没工作！ 也许是我自己比较少有主见，想着毕业以后船到桥头自然直嘛，不必那么操心，既然什么工作都可以做就放心了，总之没有饿死就好。 工作嘛，我也不知道我以后做的功会是什么，我也控制不了，算了还是别浪费力气了。 “毕业后要做什么工？” “不懂，看哪里请就那里做呗。” 果然，第一份工很顺利就找到了，也做了整年半。以为我的人生就这样可以平稳至少个5年了，谁知道公司经济有问题，还不到2年在职的我就被裁了。 突然感到人生很迷茫。 被公司裁员根本就是意料之外啊！怎么没有人告诉我，我以前读书那么好，考试成绩那么好，做工做到那么好也会有无端端被裁的一天？ 我太傻太天真。 本来，我计划好人生的下个5年，全泡汤了。 过后病毒疫情又发生了，找工实在是难上加难。 现在站回自己的立场上，觉得以前的自己除了很蠢以外还是很蠢。 别人的梦想是比较大型的，好像有个完整的人生目标似的，然后为了达到他们的人生目标就会怎么做怎么做。 而我呢，就想来想去，根本想不到我的人生要来干什么，自然就不会说要在几岁几岁之前做什么当什么，感觉现在的我就是有点得过且过，没有饿死自己，有点儿储蓄就可以了。 对我而言，我的梦想是妄想，因为我根本不相信自己竟可能达到自己想要的目标。 小学时期，我曾想当科学家。 中学时期，我曾想当博客家、钢琴手、音乐家、作家。 大学时期，我曾想当摄影员、剪辑、编辑、经纪人。...

They say that change is the only constant of life. And yet, after living 25 years of my life, I've still yet to adapt to it. Let's start from the beginning. "So, what do you want to be when you grow up?" I'm pretty sure that we have all been asked this question since the day we could talk. Back then when we were innocent little blabbermouths with a wild imagination, we'd probably have answered 'teacher!', 'astronaut!', 'firefighter!' and for those of us from privileged Chinese households, 'doctor!' or 'lawyer!' seemed the only acceptable choices. I remember growing up that my first ever ambition (that I can remember) was to be a scientist. A little backstory: not to toot my own horn, but I used to be one of the top students in my primary school years, I'd say probably for all 6 years of it. But then again, it was a relatively small kampung school in the middle of nowhere so I probably didn't have a l...

I write usually when I'm feeling emotional, but I guess that moment's come to pass. I've not been feeling myself lately. Everything felt like havoc and I was stuck right in the middle of the tornado with no means of escape. Too many things happening to me at once, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I was tired, and I'm still far from recovery. Throughout these few months, ever since the new semester started, I'd only just come to the realization that not all humans are good people. In fact, good people don't really exist, because everyone has a dark side to them, it all only depends on whether or not they decide to show it to you. Including me, but I was too naiive to still believe that such people do exist. They turn out to be only a figment of my imagination. Under every movement, every decision, every sentence... there's always this underlying motive behind them. Or a hidden knife. Or gun. I'd bee...

Haven't blogged in a while. It's been a really busy two and a half months with my last concert on the 3rd of October. We'd been preparing for it since July, and none of us got to go home ever since. Well, on the bright side, the concert was a huge success and it's become one of the most cherished memories of my entire uni life thus far. I can't even start describing this exhilarating feeling I get every time I stand on that stage, prettily dolled up and dressed, but it was amazing. Out of the eighteen songs presented, I was there for ten of them, either on the grand piano, keyboard, drums or congas. At times I wonder, when would be the time when I graduated from being a pianist to being a drummer? I just realized that I prefer drumming over playing the keyboard. Also, it would be nice if only I could start figuring out how to play the guitar on my own. I've been learning for ages but my fingers just would not cooperate. The concert was held on a Saturd...

My grades for the first semester will be announced on Feb 4th they say, and although I'm supposed to feel kinda nervous about it... somehow I don't. Not really as much as I think I should. Like my mom says, more often than not she's more worried about my exams and results than I am... Not exactly 100% true but I guess there's a small part of truth in there... Hehe ^^ Basically I'm not in uni for the exams and results. I want to say that I couldn't care less, but of course I'd get kicked out if I flunked entirely. No, my point here is that I got into uni and I plan to have fun. Lots of fun that isn't bound by my grades or anything. Perhaps try to live a little. Play a little. Shop a little. And just experience the small taste of freedom and independence before life throws me into cruel bitter reality. Honestly going to uni has been the best choice of my life. I probably could have got into it sooner had I not gone for Form 6, but then I wouldn't hav...