Recuperation

Haven't blogged in a while.

It's been a really busy two and a half months with my last concert on the 3rd of October. We'd been preparing for it since July, and none of us got to go home ever since.

Well, on the bright side, the concert was a huge success and it's become one of the most cherished memories of my entire uni life thus far. I can't even start describing this exhilarating feeling I get every time I stand on that stage, prettily dolled up and dressed, but it was amazing. Out of the eighteen songs presented, I was there for ten of them, either on the grand piano, keyboard, drums or congas.

At times I wonder, when would be the time when I graduated from being a pianist to being a drummer?

I just realized that I prefer drumming over playing the keyboard. Also, it would be nice if only I could start figuring out how to play the guitar on my own. I've been learning for ages but my fingers just would not cooperate.

The concert was held on a Saturday night. After the celebratory supper at KFC, I collapsed onto my mattress until three in the afternoon the next day.

Finally, more than ten hours of sleep after three months of sleepless nights.

It felt kinda empty after that, this hollow feeling in my chest. But as we were still lingering on the after effects of the excitement, we decided to go shopping at the nearest shopping mall.

Spent RM165 on nine clothing items. Best feeling ever.



You know, having daily 9am-11am classes ruins your sleep.

Especially since I've got umpteen assignments and presentations to prepare and complete. Come weekend, thinking I could rest, up comes another event requiring 24 hours of your day for the entire Saturday. No time for sleeping in.

Overslept on Sunday, only waking up at 4pm and going back to sleep again at 10pm.


After being stressesed and distressed for nearly three months, I really want to draw myself back into my shell and rest. Recuperate, even if it was only for a week for the three months.

But no, I had to go and get myself involved in tens of thousands of events each requiring myself to socialize and talk to people I don't know.

I'm actually in my refractory period right now. I want to be alone. I don't want to be around crowds of people. Just me, perhaps a friend or two, and that's already more than enough. Not groups of tens and twenty's, each demanding full attention from me and non-stop conversation till the very minute I leave for home.

And then I'd face my pile of assignments with undiscovered due dates and the whole stack of readings.

Never thought I would need to refer to an English dictionary after every five words I read.



I want to go home and sleep. It's the only means of running away from this reality I don't have the courage to face. I'm still in denial. It's already nearing the mid-semester break and I haven't even gotten myself back together in one piece.

When you think you're talking to me, please realize it's only a facade; it's not really me. The real me is tired and depressed. The image of me talking nineteen to the dozen with a large crowd of faces I won't even remember the next time we meet -- is just what it is, an image.

I've withdrawn into my shell. Please give me time to recuperate.

I promise I'll be my real jovial self again after probably a week or two of proper rest.

But it's not like I'm getting any real time for myself anyway, so who cares.

Please don't blame me for not acting like myself. It's simply because I am not myself.