You know something's kinda messed up when you have to stop yourself from buying little gifts for the person you used to love and enjoy buying little gifts for. I guess you can kind of say that buying and giving little gifts are something like my love language. Not how I receive love, but how I show love to others. Granted, I don't like buying gifts for people out of obligation, such as during birthdays or Christmas, because there's a very huge stress layer to that. I'm not talking about that kind of gift-giving. I'm talking about the kind where I just come across something in the wild that reminds me of a person, whether it was their favourite character, or something they recently said they didn't have or lacked, or something I thought they would like just because it fit well into their routine or aesthetics. The kind where there's absolutely no reason for gifting anyone anything, but I do it anyway because I'm excited to share it with those people. If i...

I never thought I'd have so many things to say at once but it felt better after I blabbed it all out the last time so maybe it's going to work this time as well. Idk, one can only hope. And it's this. See, I'm the eldest sibling in the family with a younger sister like 3/4 of a decade younger than me. And what's the most natural thing I'd always hear growing up as an older sister? "You're the older sibling. You should let your younger sibling have it." Or, more accurately, 你是姐姐。你就该让让你妹妹啊。 I don't know how many countless times I've heard that and had it drilled into my head that yes I am the older sibling, yes I'm the more blessed one, yes I'm the more responsible one, yes I'm the more mature one, and hence, I should always give in to her and yadda yadda yadda. I'm not saying it's wrong per se. Diff parents and families have diff upbringing. I'm just describing my experiences. And for the longest time ever, I lived by...

I guess I'm going to have to admit that life itself is taking a toll on me. Okay fine, everyone has their hardship and life takes a toll on everyone in whichever ways. But I feel like I'm getting to my wit's end at this point. And that's not a safe space to be. Especially when I'm alone in my head in the middle of the night with no one to talk to. And it's not like I can just unload any of this onto someone just because it's heavy af and I don't see the need to trouble others when they're already having their own. But. I feel... useless. Maybe in terms of finance and in terms of... filial piety? Back when I was working an office job and juggling freelance, my income was more than comfortable for me to take care of the rent and utilities and savings and still have a decent amount to splurge on life. But I was so tied up at work and it eventually turned into a hostile environment later on (we'll open that can of worms another day) and after weighin...