I'm cute. Adopt me.

I'm a little envious of people who get to do aegyo with the people around without having to fear judgement.

Hear me out.

It never really occurred to me until I read a line somewhere, and it went something like this:

"If a woman acts like a little girl around you, that means she feels secure with you. If she acts like a mother around you, that means you're the childish one."

Obviously paraphrased, and obviously it was meant for the men out there imo.

But it also got me thinking. Huh. So women actually do get to act like little kids around their men and not fear being judged? And they also get indulged in that kind of behaviour?

Don't get me wrong. I have nothing against aegyo. I love aegyo. I think aegyo is cute af. And I personally think that I have a lot of natural aegyo, if I may say so myself.

But I seldom show it to the people around me.

After reading that (paraphrased) line, it suddenly struck me that maybe I never really did aegyo with anyone because I never felt 'safe' or 'secure' enough to act childishly around my circle of people.

Maaaaaaybe with the exception of my parents. Man, do I use aegyo aplenty with them.

But with friends? No. I don't. Or, maybe the most I'd do was pout and puff my cheeks a little. I think. But whatever it is, I don't remember ever going full on out aegyo with any of them.

Does that say a lot about my friend circle? Maybe, maybe not. I dunno.

But I do know that I'm always very envious of close-knit friendships where everyone in the friend group is equally as loved and accepted and they can all be childish with each other without having to worry about overdoing things or whatever because the others are going to accept it anyway.

Or maybe it's the ISTJ-ness in me seeping out.

I mean, I've always been known as the reliable one and the mother of the group and I guess it somehow got instilled in me that I need to step up and take that role or the whole group is going bust. I don't think that on purpose. It's just there. Instilled, deep in my bones.

Back to the friend circle topic.

Take idol groups, for example. Since I'm so into them, that's the only place I can draw inspiration (and comparison) from.

Every time I watch PLAVE on their live stream, I'm very very envious of their friendship. They can all act weird and childish with each other, fight on screen, and do crazy things together. If you watch more of them, you'll know that most of them were friends first before the group came about, and I do think that's just so beautiful for their dynamic.

I'm so envious of their dynamic. At least the on-screen one that they show everyone, but even telling from their recounted stories together, they do spend a lot of time together off-cam, and you just know for sure that they're besties in real life.

Not saying that besties don't fight with each other, but I digress.

I, on the other hand... Can't really afford to do that. Or maybe I refuse to try doing that. Testing the waters every time feels a little more safe and secure for me. I mean, I don't want to say that I'm an egotistic person, but if that's who I really am, or if that's the vibe that I'm emulating... then so be it.

But.

I really, really, really want to find someone or some people whom I can be a kid around. Whom I can use tons of aegyo on and not be shunned. Whom doesn't mind when I throw a hissy tantrum and tries to cheer me back up. Heck, I might even find myself gross and they can also find me gross but at least that means we're so comfortable with each other that none of our image really matters anymore when we're together.

Maybe that's what a boyfriend is for?

But knowing my "motherly" tendencies I might just end up "mothering" them in the relationship.

And guys my age are weird.

And dating younger boys feels criminal.

And dating itself sounds terrifying.

And putting myself out there is petrifying.

And thinking that someone would actually want to adopt me as their tamagotchi sounds absolutely weird to me.

Okay I digress again.

But maybe I just want to be a tamagotchi.

I want someone to find me so cute they want to squish me and hide me away in their pocket because I'm just so chock-full of natural aegyo and I'm in a safe-enough environment that permits me to unleash my full aegyo potential on them.

I mean, I even used aegyo on myself and sometimes I really find myself too cute to be true.

Hah.

Talk about being conceited XD

But I can be cute while I'm being conceited... Maybe.

Idk.

Anybody wanna adopt a cute and conceited tamagotchi like me? 

I'm just. So so so so so envious of people who have that safe space to do whatever they want, act however they like, and still have people find them cute and adorable at the end of the day and maybe ask for more.

Whether it's a circle of friends, one friend, or a partner, or whatever.

I'm lucky I still have that safe space with my parents. But it's not like they can help it... can they?

Idk.

I have too many questions and not enough answers in my head.

But I guess in the end, if you ever find me acting weirdly like a cutesy kid with all sorts of aegyo on you instead of trying to maintain my cool and mature and adult image with you...

That means I've acknowledged you as an ally who won't judge or be rude or dismissive or ignorant or whatever... and I'm not afraid of you.

That means you're my safe space.

That means I like you, a lot.

That means I'm your tamagotchi.

That means...

Adopt me.

:D