Getting stuck in the middle

Have you ever been stuck in a situation between 2 people whose feelings you don't want to hurt? I get the 'middle man' role a lot of times, and I can say that most of the time I don't really know what to do.

Say your best friend has come to you with a problem. The problem involves 2 people. Let's just say that one does not know that he/she is hurting the other by using him/her but b*tching behind his/her back. The problem becomes serious because many people misunderstand them and it's really irritating. So one comes to you (which is me) for advice (which I don't know what).

Actually, I kind of dread it when I take on the role of the 'middle man'. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings but there's like an 80% possibility that I'll end up doing exactly that.

When someone comes to me about a problem, I listen to them. I hear their points of view, their perspective, their thoughts and their opinions. Towards the end of the conversation, whether I want it or not, I'll definitely become biased towards them already. Inadvertently. I don't plan to bias, but then the first you hear somehow influences you the most. Same goes for me. Normally when people tell me their problems I try not to do anything drastic, or even anything at all because I take it as them unloading all their frustrations and emotional stuff on me before they explode like a volcano by bottling up their problems instead. I don't mind listening, in fact I'm happy to lend out my ears, but I do mind if I have to make a decision to do something so as to 'solve' the problem. In other words, advising.

But then, if the matter really changes from a molehill to a mountain, I tend to get lost. I'll feel guilty and feel like it's all my fault. I mean, after all, I never did get to listen to the other person's point of view, thoughts and opinions. I was already all biased towards the other person because that was the first impression that I got. When the issue starts to get out of hand, I feel like I've let everyone down. I mean, both are my friends and I never intended to hurt any of them. But as the problem starts getting bigger and bigger, both parties can get disappointed with me and then there goes our relationship. They might get other people to side them on and before you know it, it's WW3 already.

Wait, I'm not saying this part is happening to me right now. I'm just saying this based on my personal experiences with fallen-out relationships because of a tiny problem that developed into a monster.

Carry on.

So when both parties get disappointed in me (because I can't solve their problems T_T) they lose trust and faith in me. Such a complicated situation. You try to help out by being kind to one and the other tends to think that you are biased against him/her, and then a falling-out could happen again. =(

So you see, there's no win-win situation in this kind of condition. In fact for the middle man, it's always a double portion of the lose-lose situation. Involved in both parties ma. Double the blow. Ouch!

I'm a listener. Feel free to tell me anything and everything if it calms or comforts you, I'll understand. But please don't make me take sides or misunderstand me. I don't like being stuck in the middle of nowhere, knowing that it might jeopardize our relationship. I know my judgement is not perfect, but I am only human, just like the both of you.